maybe if i tell myself enough (i'll get over you)
by lecornergirl
Summary: Three years after graduation Rory moves to Philadelphia, eager to settle down and live in one place, and eager to see Jess again. Rory/Jess, canon divergence, not AYITL compliant. [cross-posted from AO3]


When Rory gets the job at the _Inquirer_, she's excited about two things.

Mostly, she's excited at the prospect of a steady job, a job with a salary and an office in the same city every day, after three years first covering the Obama campaign and later freelancing for various publications. Rory has done the nomadic writer life, going wherever the stories are. She's ready to settle down, to see the same skyline day to day, season to season; to see how it changes when the leaves fall down, when the snow comes, and when the city emerges again in spring.

But she's also excited because it's the _Philadelphia Inquirer_, and Jess is in Philadelphia. It's been years since she's had the luxury of a friend in the same physical location, and she's looking forward to it. She's starting to build a life, a permanent one, and it's nice to not have to start from complete scratch.

She's a little nervous, waiting to meet Jess for coffee. They've seen each other sporadically over the years, whenever they've happened to be in the same town, but being that kind of friends is different to being the kind who see each other all the time, and Rory's a little worried that it won't be the same, that they won't be able to figure it out. When they were just popping into each other's lives, it was easy: they'd meet up for coffee, or lunch, or dinner, whatever fit into their respective schedules, talk about their lives for an hour or two, and go back to their respective lives with a promise to stay in touch. Now Rory's building a new life, and she wants Jess to be part of it.

He shows up, still in the same leather jacket as always. His face lights up when he spots her, like it always does, and she thinks it's going to be okay.

They get settled with their coffees and an assortment of pastries. Jess raises an eyebrow, but it's been long enough that he knows better than to say anything.

"So how long are you in town for this time?" Jess asks.

"Indefinitely, actually," Rory says, glancing up. "I, uh, got a job. At the _Inquirer_."

Jess grins. "That's incredible! A permanent job?"

"With an office and everything," she confirms. "I'm sticking around for the foreseeable future. You're going to get sick of me."

"Rory, never," he laughs. "You got a place yet?"

"I've been looking, but not yet. I actually only got in last night, I'm staying at a hotel for now."

Jess looks at her like he's trying to decide something. Finally, he runs a hand through his hair. "I have a spare room, you know. You could stay with me until you find an apartment."

"Look at you with your life together," Rory says. "Be honest, when we met, which one of us would you have pegged as having an apartment with a spare room when we're 25?"

"Hey, you wanted to be Christiane Amanpour and travel the world, that doesn't exactly scream stability and spare rooms either," Jess points out. "But Philly is pretty cheap, and Truncheon is doing pretty well. So what do you say? I'm cheaper than a hotel."

"Cheaper, huh?"

"You can buy groceries or something, I don't really care."

"Wow, that is cheaper than my hotel."

"Told you."

"Are you sure, though?" Rory asks. When she'd pictured moving to Philadelphia, she'd envisioned slowly getting closer with Jess again. This would be the complete opposite of that, but she finds that the thought doesn't bother her. Living with her ex-boyfriend, even temporarily, should feel awkward, but it doesn't. She can't imagine just moving into Dean's spare room, or, god forbid, Logan's, but Jess? They've seen each other enough, talked about things enough. Rory feels confident that they've settled firmly into friends territory, that they're friends first and exes second.

"Absolutely. I'll help you look for your own place, tell you what neighbourhoods to avoid, where to get the best coffee."

"Well… okay, if you're sure. Thanks."

"Rory, I'm sure. It's not a problem."

She smiles at him, grateful. "Okay."

Jess looks at his watch. "Hey, you busy right now?"

"Not really, why?"

"Let's go get your stuff."

* * *

Rory hadn't really had a chance to unpack, other than to dig out pyjamas, toiletries, and a change of clothes, so it doesn't take her long to pack up again and check out of the hotel. They take the subway to Jess's apartment, and Rory keeps expecting to run out things to talk about, because this is the longest consecutive time they've spent together since Jess left Stars Hollow. But that moment never comes. She tells him about the latest piece she worked on, he describes the latest books Truncheon's putting out, and they swap updates on Luke and Lorelai. Before she knows it, Jess is opening a door on the third floor of a perfectly respectable building and showing her in.

"I don't think I have a spare key," he says, taking off his jacket and tossing it over a chair. "I have to go out for a bit later, I'll get another key made then."

Rory nods, but most of her attention is on taking in the apartment. They're standing in a small but cozy living room, separated from an open-plan kitchen by a wooden dining table that's covered in books, newspapers, and old mail. Doors lead off in a few different directions, and Jess points them out. "That's the bathroom, my room, and that's the spare room." He helps her carry her bags in. "Make yourself at home," he says, gesturing to the room.

"Jess, I really appreciate this, but you know I'm going to get my own place. I don't want to get too comfortable, otherwise I'm not going to want to leave."

"Suit yourself," he laughs. "Listen, I have to run out and take care of some stuff, and make that key for you. I'll probably be about two hours? So if you need to go anywhere, maybe try to time it so you don't get stuck hanging out in the hallway."

"Copy that," Rory says. "I was thinking about having a look around the neighbourhood, I can sit in a coffee shop and work for a bit."

"You were just going to go find coffee anyway, weren't you?" Jess asks, a teasing glint in his eye.

"Guilty as charged," Rory admits. "It's like you know me or something."

"Or something," Jess agrees, going back into the living room and shrugging his jacket back on. "Speaking of which—I'll bring Chinese food for dinner?"

"Sound perfect," Rory says, and she's still smiling when the door closes after him.

* * *

They fall into a rhythm quickly. Rory officially starts work the Monday after she moves in, and it turns out she and Jess take the same train in the mornings. They come home at different times, practically taking turns staying at work late. The first time Rory stays late to finish up a story, Jess calls her around eight, sounding a little worried.

"Where are you?" he asks. "You're usually back by now."

"Sorry," she replies, "I guess I'm just not used to people knowing where I am and where I'm supposed to be."

After that, they keep each other updated.

Weeknights, if they're both home, they make fun of whatever is on tv, talk about their days, and experiment with the extent of their cooking ability. On weekends, Jess shows her around the city. More than anything, it's comfortable, and Rory can't remember ever feeling this much at home anywhere that isn't Stars Hollow.

Maybe, just maybe, it makes her a little complacent about finding her own place.

Of course, sharing such a small space isn't without incident. Jess is messier than she'd like, and Rory quickly tires of collecting the mugs and glasses scattered around the apartment. Let him hunt for one to clean when he needs one. Jess, for his part, seems to be constantly amazed by the number of hair ties and bobby pins everywhere.

"Have you never lived with a girl before?" Rory asks, and Jess ducks his head.

"Never wanted to before."

Rory doesn't try to push the subject.

One morning, about three weeks after Rory moves in, it happens. In hindsight, she wonders how it took so long.

It's a Saturday, and they have nothing planned. Both had intense weeks at work, so a lazy weekend morning is more than called for. Yawning, Rory steps out of the spare room, closing the door carefully in case Jess is still asleep. She turns around, heading directly for the coffeemaker in the corner of the kitchen, and that's when the bathroom door opens and Jess steps out, wearing only a towel around his waist.

Rory stops in her tracks. "Oh."

"Sorry," Jess says. "I didn't think you were awake." He lifts an arm to scratch at the back of his neck, and all it does is highlight that he looks good. Better than he did when they were together, even.

_Just friends, huh?_ a voice in her head taunts.

"I'm just gonna, uh," she says, gesturing at the coffeemaker. "You want coffee?"

"Yeah, thanks," Jess says, avoiding her gaze. "Let me just…"

"Put some clothes on?" Rory suggests, trying for light and teasing and falling somewhere in the region of squeaky.

"Yeah. Uh, sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Rory says, intentionally facing the coffeemaker so she can't see Jess turn around.

She sits down with her coffee cup, taking stock. Okay, so he's attractive. Objectively, this is not news. It hasn't been news since she was seventeen years old. She's not blind, that doesn't mean they're not just friends. Probably.

Jess comes out of his room and pours some coffee for himself. "Uh," he starts, then trails off like he doesn't actually know what he was going to say.

"Seriously, don't worry about it," Rory says, voice more level now. "It was going to happen eventually. Besides, it's nothing I haven't seen before."

Jess laughs. "Guess you're right."

"Any plans for today?" Rory asks, and just like that, everything is normal again.

* * *

Rory finds her own place a few weeks after that, a small apartment with big windows just ten minutes away from Jess's place. He helps her move, and it takes multiple trips this time. She wasn't in Jess's spare room for very long, but the thought of living in the same city long-term was intoxicating, and that intoxication is definitely visible in her shopping habits. Jess complains about the amount of stuff she has, but underneath it all, he seems happy. Rory knows the feeling: signing the lease on this apartment guarantees that she's staying in town for at least a year. She's gotten used to seeing Jess every day, and can't imagine life without it. This apartment means she doesn't have to.

The Friday of the week that she moves in, Rory throws a housewarming party. It's not a big affair, just Jess and some of the people she's become friendly with at work. She buys some wine, sets out some snacks, and it's a perfectly pleasant party. She mingles with her coworkers, making small talk and accepting compliments about the minimal effort she'd put into decorating, but whenever the conversation lulls, she looks around for Jess. More often than not, she meets his gaze, like he's searching for her just as she's looking for him.

It's nice enough, but Rory doesn't really know her coworkers well enough to let her guard down fully around them. When the last of them leaves, she flops down on the IKEA couch she and Jess had assembled the previous day, finally feeling completely at ease for the first time all night. Jess, sprawled on the opposite end of the couch, snorts and hands her a glass of wine.

"You okay there?"

"I'm not used to having permanent coworkers," Rory grumbles. "Now I have to pay attention to being nice to them so they don't hate me and make work miserable for me."

"It's pretty hard to hate you," Jess says, matter-of-fact. "I tried. Didn't work out."

"Yeah, but their starting point isn't going to be being in love with me," Rory says, then slaps her hand over her mouth. "Oh my god, I'm sorry."

Jess just raises his glass. "Hey, it's true."

"Yeah, well." Rory sips her wine in silence, trying to figure out what topic of conversation could possibly follow that. A minute later, she gets up and starts looking through her purse. "While I still remember," she says, offering Jess's key back to him.

"Hold on to it," he says, closing her fingers back over the key in her palm. "It's probably good for someone to have my key in case of emergency anyway."

The next time Rory sees him, she hands him a key to her apartment. "You know, in case of emergency."

Finding a new normal barely takes any time at all. They're still on the same train every morning, but now Rory gets on one stop earlier and saves him a seat. They make an effort to see each other several times a week, whether it's lunch in the middle of the workday, events at Truncheon Books, or the continuation of their weekend expeditions to explore Philadelphia. They split their time between their respective apartments, and Rory finds that she doesn't really like being in her apartment alone. Part of her wonders whether that has more to do with the company than the being alone, but she very deliberately shuts that thought down. She's been over Jess for years. Hasn't she?

Her life is a collection of easy routines, and she loves it. She loves living in the same place, working with the same people, not having to prove herself to new people and new editors every couple of weeks. She finds the good coffee places, the best diners, the cutest little independent bookstores. Compared to her old life, constantly on the road, the routine could be considered boring, but Rory loves it. For the first time in years, she knows who she is and exactly how she fits in with the people around her.

Until one Tuesday in January, when her phone buzzes with a number she still hasn't managed to forget. _Hey Ace_, his text reads. _I saw you're in Philadelphia now. I'm in town next week, want to get lunch?_

The last time she saw Logan, he was walking away after she turned down his proposal. They haven't spoken since, and all of a sudden Rory has no idea how she feels about him. For a long time, missing him had been a fact of life, and it had hurt. Over time, it had faded into the background, like a bruise that only hurt when touched. Now she hasn't even touched the bruise in months, and she no longer knows what she's going to find.

_Lunch sounds good, _she texts back. _Text me with the details later?_

Jess comes over a few minutes later, letting himself in with his key and carrying Indian food. Rory hesitates for a moment, but doesn't mention the text.

* * *

Logan looks the same as he always has. He's wearing a suit, and fits into the Wednesday lunch crowd of young professionals seamlessly. A wave of fondness sweeps over Rory when she sees him, but it feels more like nostalgia than anything. A feeling of familiarity, of comfort, but not necessarily of affection or attraction, any more.

He gets up to hug her when she approaches the table, and he even smells familiar. "Hey, Ace."

"Hey yourself," Rory says, sitting down. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"I have some meetings," he says, skimming the menu.

"Of course you do," Rory says.

"So, the _Inquirer_, huh?" Logan says after a few moments of silence.

"I felt like it was time to settle down, have a permanent address, that kind of thing."

"Makes sense," he says noncommittally. "Any particular reason you chose Philadelphia?"

"They offered me a job," she says, and Logan laughs.

"That's as good a reason as any."

They chat about unimportant things for a while, and by the time the harried-looking waiter brings their drinks, Rory knows: the bruise has healed. Left in its place are good memories, but no desire to relive or recreate them.

They get all the way through the main course before Logan brings up the elephant in the room. "So, you seeing anyone?"

"No," Rory says, reflexively, but images of Jess flash in her mind. Jess on the couch in her apartment, Jess telling her about a new book Truncheon acquired, waving his hands around in excitement. Jess teasing her about her coffee intake, even while setting up the coffeemaker to brew another pot. Jess showing her around Philadelphia, Jess bringing her dinner when she's stuck at the paper until midnight, Jess hosting open mic night at Truncheon and making a fool of himself. Jess coming out of his bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel low on his hips.

"What about that guy," Logan says, "Jack? John? Doesn't he live in Philly?"

"Jess," Rory says, trying to banish the image of Jess in the towel. "Yeah, we're friends."

"Friends," Logan repeats, but his tone is playful more than anything. Not jealous, not resentful. She supposes his bruise has healed, too.

Rory nods, not trusting herself to speak without squeaking.

"I'm not seeing anyone right now either," Logan offers. "I've been way too busy at work."

They linger a few more minutes over coffee, but the conversation starts to fizzle out. "It was good to see you," Rory says when they're standing outside the restaurant, and Logan agrees, but there's something almost pointed in the way neither of them promises to stay in touch.

Rory chooses to walk back to the office, hoping the brisk January air will snap her out of whatever happened with the Jess-slideshow in her brain at lunch. Instead, she keeps thinking about Jess and the slideshow, and about a thousand other little moments from the past few months, and from further back, too. Jess showing up at her dorm, asking her to run away with him. How badly she wanted to, and how she's still not completely sure why she didn't.

She realises, all of a sudden, something that should have been obvious all this time. If he asked her again now, she wouldn't hesitate.

By the time Rory emerges from her thoughts, she finds that her feet have carried her to Jess's building of their own accord. It's the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday, so he's not home, but she lets herself in. She briefly debates doing something sexy, like waiting for him in his room, spread out in her underwear, but the thought feels foolish. So she makes a pot of coffee, gets out her laptop, and settles in to wait for Jess.

When he gets home, Jess doesn't seem too surprised to see her. She gives him a minute to put his stuff down and take off his jacket, then stands up. This feels like a conversation she should be standing up for.

"Jess," she says, and something in her tone must convey that it's a big conversation, because he stops what he's doing and looks at her.

"Yeah?"

"I saw Logan today."

Something flits across Jess's face, something Rory can't quite decipher. She doesn't think it's a positive emotion, though. "And?" he sounds like he doesn't really understand why she's telling him this, and she realises it maybe wasn't the best opener. She's in it now, though.

"Yeah, he's in town for a meeting or something, and he asked if I wanted to get lunch. It's the first time I've seen him since… you know." She'd told him about graduation, once, on a night with too much wine and not enough pizza to soak it all up. They've never talked about it since, but she likes that he knows.

Jess isn't saying anything, so she continues. "So I saw him, and it was good, you know? To see him, because it confirmed that I'm definitely over him. Anyway, so he asked me if I'm seeing anyone. And I said no, because I'm not, technically, but the whole time…" she looks up to find Jess's gaze intent on her. "The whole time, I kept thinking about you."

"Yeah?" he says, and his expression is slowly transforming into a grin.

"Yeah," Rory says. "Jess, I love you. A part of me always has. It hasn't always been the biggest part, but now it definitely is."

"Thank god," he says, crossing the room. "It's about time."

"You should have said something!" Rory says. "How was I supposed to know?"

"I figured you needed to get there by yourself," he laughs. "Also, I was trying to be chill in case you didn't—"

Rory cuts him off with a kiss. "I just needed some time to catch up," she says when they break apart, breathless.

"So, you got that I love you too, right?" Jess asks, looking down at her with an impossibly fond expression. "I just want to make sure I'm being clear."

"We're on the same page," Rory promises.

"Finally," Jess says, and kisses her again.


End file.
